I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
