I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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