can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
