And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
