i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
