Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
