no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
