Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
