shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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