she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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