God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
