i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
