That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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