life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
