I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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