all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
