i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
