Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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