Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
