Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize