Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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