I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
