all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
