You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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