I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
