i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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