Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
