Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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