hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
