Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
