I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
