Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
