well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
