ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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