there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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