Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
