well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
