I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
