My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize