Can i not drive my cunt home
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
4 words: hood of his car
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
