Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So much Jack, so little girl.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Randomize
