At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
