i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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