she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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