Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
