He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
