It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
did i just pee glitter
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize