Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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