tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I smell stomach acid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
