I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
