i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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