wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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