He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
