Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
