Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
