ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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