Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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