i just wanna soil my oats bro
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize