My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
