can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
