I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
