There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
