Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
