Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
