She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
