But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
