he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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