Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just cropdusted the office
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
