all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
