Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize