I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
