Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize