its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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