I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
