i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
