mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
