just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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