Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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