Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
