ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
