so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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