I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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