so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize